Sleep
Ah sleeping with a newborn…the holy grail of motherhood right? If your baby sleeps, you’ve made it. Well all babies sleep but they sleep like babies not like adults.
Babies are designed to sleep for short periods. They have tiny tummies that need to feed often and it keeps them feeling safe to keep checking in with their Mama.
But I also believe, if babies are designed to wake often so are mothers. If you’re breastfeeding the hormones in your milk help you wake up more easily and fall back to sleep quicker, that’s why partners can find the nights a bit more brutal because they don’t have the hormones to support them. Your prolactin production (milk making hormone) is also higher at night so babies love to feed at night simply because there is more milk among other things. There is a fab article here about all the benefits of nighttime feeding.
If you are formula feeding, you may find your baby finds their own routine quicker as formula takes longer to digest so often, formula babies sleep for slightly longer periods but they will still wake regularly through the night.
Obviously long term sleep deprivation does take its toll and everyone at some point reaches their personal limit. Some babies may naturally space more at night and eventually only wake a couple of times and some won’t.
I think it’s so important to know that night waking IS NORMAL. I struggled so much more with it with my first than my second because I think I accepted it more so it bothered me less. I wrote a blog about it here.
Things that help
Don’t look at the clock, time it, log it in an app - there’s really nothing worse than adding up all the hours you’ve lost. Concentrate more on how you feel, not how you think you should feel. Also if you’re not tracking it, you can’t be sure how long you were awake so you can focus more on the sleep you got.
Co sleeping Lots of breastfeeding mothers find co sleeping can really support the feeding relationship. This is a personal choice and you need to feel safe in it or you just won’t sleep which defeats the object so explore it…there is some good info here to consider your options and I also wrote about my experience of it here.
Gratitude for those quiet moments, not every one but they really don’t last forever and the more babies you have the more fleeting you realise it all is. The nighttime can be a special quiet time for both of you with no distractions to simply be together. Babies also feed better when sleepy so sometimes it’s a successful time of day too if the day time feeds are more tricky.
If you do just NEED sleep and you’re not coping, I can highly recommend Elizabeth Pantley’s book, The No Cry Sleep Solution and also Sarah Ockwell-Smith’s Gentle Sleep Book for practical ideas to support you.
Postnatal doulas, maternity nurses and night nannies also offer services to help you get a better night’s sleep. There are also holistic and gentle sleep coaches if you’re looking for more individual support.
I believe we parent at night as much as we do in the day and it takes a lot of us but it helps our babies feel safe and nurtured.
Evenings
It’s important to mention your evenings when talking about sleep. You might have an expectation that your baby will be going down at 7pm or 8pm at least for a short stretch and you’ll get some breathing space or maybe an early night…well in my experience and many other mothers I know babies can be quite unsettled in the evenings.
It’s often the time of day when they want to feed more known as cluster feeding, your milk can come slower and volume can be lower but fat content is higher so they’re getting what they need but they are also overstimulated from a busy day and their immature nervous systems get a bit overwhelmed. This fussy, on and off the breast for hours behaviour is completely normal and does pass! Knowing you might be feeding from say 6-10pm and your baby could need lots of settling can help you put support in place. Sometimes they cry and fuss at the breast and you’ll question your milk supply and your sanity but all of this is part of their development.
I know lots of Mums and Dads who spend their first evenings as a family with their baby snuggled on one of their chests and intermittently feeding and then all going to bed together later on. If you can’t soothe them by feeding, rock them, put them in a sling, walk up and down or even round the block, ask your partner for a break but know it’s ok and it will pass. Kellymom.com has a fab article about it here.
Sleep support
A few tips from me, as a mother and a night doula that have helped me soothe my own babies and my doula babies to sleep…
Muddle their senses - much like in labour when you were needing distraction from your contractions, babies need distracting from their need to sleep. They are such hyper sensitive little beings, the world around them can be such sensory overload and make it hard for them to settle to sleep. Help them switch off…shhh, pat, rock can help…a shhh noise/white noise often calms babies (think back to in the womb, muffled noises), rocking/swaying (again moving around while they were in the womb) and a pat, for some sensory, rhythmic distraction. The three together often help a baby drift off.
Swaddling - more controversial these days as too tight swaddling has been linked to breathing difficulties and hip dysplasia, so I’m not talking about the kind of swaddling that is forcibly tight and restrictive of baby’s movements but lots of babies like to feel held. With a strong moro reflex, the involuntary startle response, if your baby is more exposed they can wake themselves up easily as they jump in their sleep. So it’s something to research and explore with your newborn. Some safe swaddling guidelines are here.
A comforting sleep environment - your new baby is used to the perfect sleep environment in the womb. It’s the perfect temperature, size and sound. So when they come out into the big wide world it’s all a bit overwhelming. There’s a reason babies often sleep for hours in your arms and only minutes in their moses baskets…you are their ultimate safe place. You smell right, they can feel your heartbeat, you cocoon them in your warm loving body, they know your voice…a cold, stark moses basket doesn’t have the same appeal. Some parents have told me they warm the cot or moses with a lukewarm hot water bottle before they put their baby in, or wrap the baby in a blanket or a gro bag or swaddle before they go down, some use a sleep aid to make it more cosy, again do your research and try a few things, the Lullaby Trust have lots of safe sleep guidance here including on sleep aids which have had mixed reviews lately.
Sleep…
What are my expectations of my baby’s sleep?
Are they realistic?
How can I make the lack of sleep more bearable?
How can I manage taking naps?
What would make unsettled evenings easier?
So in these sleep deprived days, how can you nourish yourself?
Copyright of The Minimalist Doula 2020