Sensitive & High Needs babies
So I can’t write a postnatal course without mentioning this. I myself had a very sensitive, high needs baby boy on my hands when I became a mother. Was it his birth? Was it him? Was it me? Was it a combination of all these? Honestly, who really knows but it made my time with him more strained and more stressful and I wish I knew what I’m going to share with you in advance, it would have really helped me.
So what is a sensitive or high needs baby?
Well babies who are sensitive or have more needs tend to be just…more. They need more of everything…more attention, more holding, more reassurance, maybe more feeding, more consideration, more thinking through things and situations…and where they need more, they also need less. Less stimulation, less noise, less people, less overwhelm…think of these little babes as beautiful little beings who find the world just a bit much. And you know what, it is. Especially these days with all that we do and our natural disease of busyness. So these babies are going to need you to SLOW DOWN, way down and find a much more gentler rhythm, which will eventually make both your lives so much easier.
However at first, this is HARD. You no doubt, would have thought lots about who your baby might be and have ideas about how they should behave and what it might be like and then it’s nothing like how you imagined. You can’t put them down, they’ll only sleep on you, they cry a lot…
At the end of the day high needs babies will break down all your expectations of motherhood, they are the babies where you try everything under the sun and it still doesn’t work. Your only option is to accept them, just as they are and make them as comfortable as you can. Support their needs but know it’s ok to take breaks and throw out the rule book, there are no rules, only surrendering and taking it day by day.
My baby is now eight years old and he is a complete gift to the world. I can see how he has taught me so much about what really matters in life and his sensitivity humbles me everyday. So if you are struggling with a sensitive soul, know that this is their gift and right now it’s hard but it will become a special journey for both of you.
Some books that helped me understand my son so much more were:
And there is tonnes of literature out there on this so know you are most definitely not alone.
Colic can be linked to a highly sensitive child. They are just not ready to be in this world yet and need all the same conditions as if they were still wombside. Tonnes of closeness, cuddles, gentleness and love. Much easier said than done when you’re feeling touched out and they’ve been crying for hours…so what might help?
Support
Well first things first, if you’re on a more intense mothering journey, you are going to need more support and more breaks. Letting yourself take a break, get some space, breathe deep, will help you both. You’re more likely to get touched out with a high needs baby. Touched out is a wierd sensation, of course you love your baby but you feel like you have to get away from them, your skin crawls, you feel extra sensitive, you’re just maxed out and need a break but as a mother you can’t always get it at the right time so you’re pushing through when really you need to pull back.
Sensitive babies are very attune to your feelings as all babies are. So the more relaxed you are, it will help them be calmer and know it’s all going to be ok even if they’re really crying. So giving yourself time off, will help you provide this for them.
Babywearing
A life saver I think for most Mums. If you have a sling, more often than not a baby will snuggle up in there and settle or sleep with the added advantage that you are hands free to make a cuppa.
Babywearing has endless benefits for you and your baby. Increased bonding, babies are often soothed by the sling and cry less, improved cognitive development as your baby takes in more of your world with you and with them so close, you will be more in tune with your baby as well so you can respond more easily and naturally to their cues.
You can visit sling libraries to try out lots of different styles and find one you like. You can rent slings or buy second hand if you’re unsure if it’s something you want to commit too. There are some fantastic sling consultants out there who will come to your home and go through it all with you. I’m linking here to my good friend Katherine who is a doula and sling consultant to get you started and Sheen Slings who have some great resources too.
This is also a simple video to show you how to wear a stretchy one piece wrap which I always think looks so complicated until you know how.
The T.I.C.K.S Rule for Safe Babywearing
T is for “Tight” Slings & carriers should be tight enough to hug your baby close to you, as this will be most comfortable for you both.
I is for “In View at All Times”
C is for “Close Enough to Kiss”
K is for “Keep Chin Off the Chest”
S is for “Supported Back”
Further information here - http://babyslingsafety.co.uk/
Cranial osteopathy
Cranial osteopathy was introduced to me by my mbff. It’s a super gentle treatment which babies can have to work any tensions out of their little bodies. I’ve always taken my two to The Osteopathic Centre for Children which I’ll link to so you can read more about it but there will be a local practitioner near to you. This is usually done on a private basis but some breastfeeding drop ins offer sessions too. The beauty is you can take them when they’re very little, in the first days and it can help work out wind problems, growing pains, birth difficulties and improve their general well being. It amazes me how much they can tell about their health just from gently touching them, you can learn a lot about your little one.
Homeopathy
Another gentle holistic treatment that can support sensitive babies is homeopathy. I am linking to the British Homeopathic Association for further reading. I actually used a tissue salt mix for my daughter when she was showing signs of reflux like my son and it helped it a lot. As with all these treatments, it’s a very personal decision, always do what you feel is right for you and your baby.
A huge dose of acceptance is also needed with a high needs baby. They will challenge your expectations of babies in a big way but they are sensitive souls with beautiful gifts to offer the world.
‘A sensitive soul a heart of wild,
You grew up thinking you’re cursed child,
Embrace your blessing it’s not a curse,
Because you’ve been kissed by the universe.’
Safina
Sensitive & high needs babies
Could my baby be high needs?
How can I make this time easier on us both?
So whatever is going on for you as a mother, you’re going to need your Mum mates…
Copyright of The Minimalist Doula 2020