Self Belief is Your Super Power

This blog post originally started out as a five 'top tips' post.  Which I wrote and I pondered posting, and I pondered a bit more, as I often do and something was stopping me from publishing it.  What was stopping me?  Was it confidence in what I'd written?  Sharing my five top doula tips is a big deal, this is my passion, my love, I didn't want to let anyone down, I knew my fellow doulas would maybe disagree with me but it was something more and that something I realised was, that it was wrong.

I was trying to simplify the wonder and beauty of birth.  I was trying to offer practical solutions to a transformational, life changing, soul bending experience.  It didn't feel right, it didn't feel like me to post a top tips post.  So why was I doing it?  I'd read somewhere in a blog writing article, 'ten top tips to writing a blog post', that people loved 'top tips' there I was trying to fit my natural free style of writing, into someone else's idea of what it should be.  Square peg, round hole.  Do you ever feel like you do this? Do you ever think that someone else knows better than you do?  I do, often.  Then like a major light bulb, kind of sparkly, buzzy, magical moment, it hit me, you don't need anything, nothing at all to happily and successfully birth your baby, you just need to BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

Now this is probably the toughest thing of all to achieve yet the most vital.  If you have self belief, the world is yours.  Anything you want to do, you believe you can do it so you achieve it.  It's as simple and as difficult as that. 

So how do we harness the elusive self belief?  How do we fight the feeling of people pleasing, over responsibility for other's feelings, anxiety, worry, introversion, self doubt...?  We have to tune in to ourselves and often.  It's a process.  A process of letting go of old beliefs and habits and a new way of looking at ourselves.  We have to start listening to all those gut feelings, niggles and moments when no feels right but we say yes anyway.  We have to find our voice and use it.  It's not easy at first but with practice it becomes a part of your new habits, a natural part of your decision making and it feels great!

I always think about when do we lose it, this self belief in ourselves?

Surely we are born with it?  As kids, we run around, bouncing, jumping, laughing, full of life and possibility but somewhere, amidst parenting and school and teenage angst and hormones, insecurities build and we stop believing in ourselves.

What a shame and what a waste!  I remember specifically telling some of my A level girls when I was teaching, who were body bashing themselves, that it's not worth it. Don't waste time criticising yourself, embrace how gorgeous you all are because when you get older you'll realise how young and beautiful you were!  All these amazing women, having absolutely no idea they are amazing, wasting themselves, their talents, their beauty on worrying.  Paralysed with fear that they are not worthy, wrong, silly, and then they don't go for what they really want.

Imagine what it would feel like to totally and utterly believe in yourself?  Imagine how you would behave in the world?  Confident, beautiful, strong, powerful, decisive, life grabbing, fearless.

In birth, there is this crazy belief that someone else knows better than you when it comes to birthing your baby, ludicrous isn't it?!  How can someone say, 'you're not in labour, don't push, you're not far along, don't scream, don't roar' can do whatever you damn well want!  And with that self belief, whatever rocks up in your birth room, you'll feel confident enough to ask the questions you need to ask, trust that gut instinct when something doesn't feel right, speak your mind when you don't like something and generally be your own advocate and protector...THIS IS YOUR BABY.  YOUR BIRTH.  YOUR BODY and it is up to you what you do. 

So Mamas, tap into that self belief, listen to your intuition, know that you are wonderful and beautiful and strong and have your baby, YOUR way.

Doula love



Our next all day birth confidence workshop is on Sunday October 7th 2018 in Kingston, Surrey.

Please email for more details.