Dear Mum, I see you now

I wrote this to my Mum a couple of years ago on my old blog, it's definitely time to share it again...

Dear my darling Mum,

It's your Birthday today and you've been on my mind a lot as I daydream my way through a teacher's conference.

Since I was little you've been my rock, my super safe place where I can go when I need to feel loved and reassured. We've been through all sorts together through my lifetime and you've always stayed strong for me, protected me and given as much of yourself to me as you can and then a bit more.  As I've grown up, through my teens and my twenties, our relationship has evolved and we went from mother and daughter to friends. Best of friends, a friendship like no other.

A friendship I grew to rely on, a friendship I leaned on when times were hard and a friendship that I knew was there whether I was investing in it or not.  You though, never leaned back, you never left my side, you let me go gracefully and held your arms out wide when I came back.

When I became a mother nearly 5 years ago...I can't quite believe 'our' boy is going to be 5...there was a shift. At first I needed you as much as I did when I was little, to mother me as much as I would let you and more when I wouldn't. Then for a little while, you watched as I found myself as a mother and you again, gave me the space to do this. Always there, quietly waiting to be called and you would come willingly, every time, with an open heart. Now as we come back to each other again, there is a deep understanding between us. The understanding that motherhood brings. I now know how you felt, how much you did, how much you needed someone to be there and most importantly, how much you love us.

I've also been thinking today, if this was my daughter, 'our' girl,  writing to me in her thirty fifth year, what would I want her to say to me and this is what came into my head instantly;

I love you, you did an amazing job and you can stop worrying now.

So my dear, sweet, gentle, loving Mum,

I love you, you did an amazing job and you can stop worrying now.

I know though, as a mother myself now, you'll never stop worrying about me and my brothers, and everyone else in your life because you care so deeply about them. But from one mother to another, I see you now and all you do, so thank you and Happy Birthday.

Love you Mum 



Jenna Rutherford