the first week
So you’ve made it home unless you were already there and real life with your baby is truly beginning.
Now what?? Might cross your mind...now you’ve got to raise a mini human, keep them alive and be everything they need all the time...
That’s a lot of responsibility and can feel super overwhelming, I know that’s how I felt. So the easiest and kindest thing to do for yourself is simply take it day by day. Try not to project into the future too much and know that SO much changes even hourly in the early weeks, there is a constant flow of ups and downs and tears and joy and I think the only way to truly be in it is being present.
Try and be flexible, surrender daily to the new life, let things go, leave the chores, don’t answer every WhatsApp message, and don’t try to be perfect. I’m going to talk about perfectionism in more detail in my self care section but this is not the time to be anything but just as you are, raw and in the moment and learning your new life with your baby.
You aren’t just raising a baby you’re also becoming a mother and it’s all brand new. You need time to catch up and that’s ok. That’s what we’re all doing, figuring it out as we go, don’t look to the Mums a few months ahead, they were you once too and you’re doing great, it might just look totally different to how you thought great would look.
Being a new Mum is a lot like being a caterpillar...bare with me. When caterpillars transform into butterflies they build a cocoon around themselves and actually melt, I know right?? I had no idea either and learnt this beautiful story from my doula trainer, Maddie McMahon (author of Why Mothering Matters). And within the caterpillar soup that’s left there are tiny discs called imaginal discs which hold the cell information for the body parts of a butterfly. Mother Nature IS incredible. And then when they’re ready these cells use the soup to feed and grow into the butterfly and emerge into the world.
This analogy so beautifully supports new motherhood. For a while, yes, you’re going to be caterpillar soup. And that’s perfectly ok. BIG, big changes are happening and for a little while, it’s going to feel like you don’t know yourself and can’t quite find a handle on anything. BUT when you are ready, when you’ve been mumming a little while, you’ve gone easy on yourself while you find your way and figure things out, you get to emerge as your new beautiful Mum butterfly self. Which usually means you’ve made it out the house, maybe washed your hair and can make it to Starbucks for a coffee.
The thing not to do though is look to the other butterflies who are around you. They’ve also been soup, they’re just in a different place now. And if you do look to them, look at them with a smile on your face, know it gets a little bit more familiar every day as you wear your new mother self one day at a time.
And be soup for as long as you need to, there’s no rush…
Day one
Wow, you just gave birth…there’s really nothing bigger so take a moment to see how amazing you are. You are probably going to feel a mix of total elation and total exhaustion and everything in between. You might have already got on the phone to loved ones or are taking the announcements a bit slower, but you’ll eventually after all the post birth checks be settled in to a bed, resting.
Some babies might take a decent nap post birth, they’ve been through a lot, as have you and it gives you both a chance to catch up with it all a little bit. Ideally you would also nap now but you might be buzzing with joy and adrenaline so maybe you won’t sleep but if you can, hand your sweet baby to someone else for a little while and get a good rest on your first day.
You will also suddenly become obsessed with poo. Yep those first gooey meconium poos are a happy sign that your baby’s guts are working well. If you’re in hospital they will want to see wet and dirty nappies to know your baby is doing ok and these are also great signs for you to know they are getting what they need nutritionally.
Feeding will really dominate this first day too. If you’re planning to breastfeed, you’ll be trying to help your baby latch and I talk lots about all of this in my breastfeeding section and just know it’s ok to not get it down straight away. Ask for help as often as you need. Lots of hospitals also have infant feeding teams who can give you more one on one support if you would like it.
If you are staying in hospital, you may also be alone for your first night, if your partner has gone home to rest. So think about how this time can be made easier for you. Have everything nearby, snacks, lots of water, nipple cream, your phone, nappies, wipes and know it’s ok to press your buzzer, over and over again if you need to. Use the support of the midwives around you.
Day two
It’s quite likely you might be getting discharged from hospital on day two and it can take a lot longer than you think with the discharge paperwork, so think about what you need to be comfortable for a few more hours in hospital.
Once you are home, it can feel really emotional. You are now truly beginning your journey, alone as a family. It’s ok to feel that, vulnerability, fear, joy, adventure, worry…support each other through this as best you can. You may want to invite a close family member or friend over to help you settle back in or it may feel just right to do this alone. There’s no rush to have visitors if you don’t want them while you find your feet. This time is about what you need to best cope with all the changes.
Have you thought about creating a nest once you’re home? A space where you can rest, eat, snuggle, feed and adjust to this whole new world, you and your baby are in. Babies want to adjust slowly too, so they can unfurl in their own time without too many people or new places all at once. So think about this time as a one off, totally special baby moon for you and your new family. Can you make your bed an island even just for a couple of days? Honour this change with giving your body time to rest and your hearts time to catch up.
Babies are often a bit or a lot more unsettled on day two especially in the night, you might question your milk supply and your sanity so please know this is normal, not easy but normal. You can read about it in more detail here. Be prepared for it and know it will pass.
Feeding will still be a huge part of your day as will poo. Baby’s poo will be changing, the first thick black meconium poos clearing out their guts will have passed now and will change to greenish brown with colostrum and then becoming more mustard yellow colour later on with your milk coming in and yes you will become poo obsessed! There are some lovely pics here if you fancy it.
You may be feeling quite sore today as you’re coming down from the birth buzz and probably really emotional as you find your way through it all. Please go gently.
Arnica is a great natural homeopathic remedy for healing, great to take in your first week as you recover. And remember to keep your vagina clean and dry, change your pads really regularly, you can rinse and gently dry the area, fresh pants often, and look after your stitches if you have any. If you’re really in pain when sitting down, a donut ring may help you.
If you had a c birth, keep an eye on your scar, again keep it clean and dry and be mindful of how you move, check how often you should be having the dressing changed, support your healing as best you can.
Day three/four
Lots of women can feel very emotional on day three and four, often referred to as the baby blues. So much is going on in your gorgeous body, you’re likely to have a hormone dip post birth and could have your milk coming in with another surge of hormones, so you’re going to feel all over the place. So have someone else aware of this for you to remind you and again, know it will pass. If it doesn’t, something else might be going on so be mindful of how you’re feeling and always seek support if something doesn’t feel right.
If by day three or four, you still have feeding concerns, please seek support. Feeding issues are best caught early for your baby’s and your nipples sake. Keep a really close eye on your nipples, any signs of cracking or bleeding means you need more support to help you and your baby get a better latch so you can feed pain free. Some soreness is normal but pain isn’t and the quicker it is seen to, the better for both of you.
You may also be experiencing after pains as your uterus contracts back to it’s normal size post birth. These can be a little uncomfortable and you’ll notice them most when you’re breastfeeding as feeding releases oxytocin which helps this process. Some women like to bind their belly post birth to help with this transition, you can read more info on it here. The gentle compression of a belly band or bind can help support you while everything gets back to normal.
Day five
Usually on day five your baby is weighed. It’s very normal for babies to lose some weight in the first week and the midwives will be happy if they’ve lost less than 10% of their birth weight. A great way to tell if your baby is thriving, is if they are settling between feeds suggesting they are full and having lots of wet and dirty nappies so you know everything is working well and they are getting enough milk. This visit can also be a great opportunity for you to ask any questions about you and your baby while you have the midwife with you.
They might mention your pelvic floor exercises at this visit if they haven’t already and while it is good to do them to bring blood and healing to the area if you’ve had an instrumental delivery, this might be quite painful and it’s ok to go gently. This is where a women’s health physio would be a great idea to see how you’ve been affected and give you a plan to suit you and your individual needs. With an instrumental delivery, you may also have less control and feeling post birth at first which can be scary, please know that it does come back it may just take a little more time. If you are worried, please consult your midwife.
Day six
Your bleeding (lochia) may be easing off a bit now or maybe not. If you are bleeding a lot always seek medical advice and heavy bleeding can also be a sign of doing too much. Remember what you’ve been through, your body is healing so don’t expect too much of yourself too soon. Your lochia will stay around for up to four to six weeks.
You could also still be in quite a lot of pain. If you’ve had a tough birth, episiotomy, stitches or a c birth, your pain can take a while to ease. Look after yourself as much as you can, resting lots, drinking lots of water, eating well and taking any holistic remedies or pain meds you need to take the edge off.
Sleep deprivation will be catching up with you now. Lots of mums do find it hard to nap, but try your best to rest where you can, it will help emotionally and physically. Even just lying down quietly, no phone, taking yourself away from all the stimulation, can settle the nervous system and have a positive affect on your mood.
Day seven
So somewhere in week one to two, you will have a health visitor come and see you. They’ll go over a few things such as contraception which always feels far too soon when you’ve just given birth. I would take this visit as it comes with their focus being on your baby rather than you and I honestly do say this with love but health visitors can have very outdated info in their repertoire so all I will say is, if you speak to them about something and their response doesn’t feel right to you, please seek a second opinion from a doctor, midwife, a breastfeeding support line…always trust your mama gut.
There is absolutely no rush to give your baby their first bath but often parents think about doing it during their first week. In my doula role, it’s something I’m asked to support quite often. The easiest way is to let them have their first bath with one of you, they can feel you, have the benefits of skin to skin and they are so calm doing it this way. If you’d prefer to do it in your baby bath or maybe even your sink (my son had his this way in our flat) a warm flannel over their tummy and their feet touching something usually keeps them soothed. It is a sensory experience for them so don’t be put off if they’re not huge fans at first, most kids grow to love their bath times.
And even in week one, it’s a good time to start your self care… think of one thing that really helps you feel better each day…a shower, a hot meal, a favourite drink, a chat with a friend, an episode of something and whatever it is, try and make space for it every day, so you have that one thing just for you.
A whole week with your new baby and you did it! You’ll still have your gorgeous post birth belly which I found quite surprising, that I still looked so pregnant but it will keep contracting back over the next few weeks and is a gorgeous reminder of all you’ve done in growing your very own beautiful human. Hopefully you’re still in bed in your pjs, healing and resting and maybe today is the day you move to the sofa or maybe not…
the first week…
Where do you plan to spend this time? How can you make this space work best for you? How can you make it special?
Do you want to pack a postnatal bag for around the house? Snacks, drinks, phone charger, kindle, nipple cream, muslins… anything you need if you’re suddenly stopped to feed…so wherever you move to, you’re sorted.
Who is allowed into your sacred space in the first week? Who will be helpful and gentle?
How can you make sure you have plenty of nutritious and warming foods to support healing?
Who can be on hand if you’re feeling wobbly for a chat?
So we can’t talk about your first week without taking a much closer look at breastfeeding, something that will consume you if you plan to…
Copyright of The Minimalist Doula 2020